#i dont even have any theories or anything i just have this
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Zenos viator Galvus and him trying to deal with actually feeling things for once (Even if he doesn't really understand how to handle the comfort he receives from others for it)
I am also giving this man a dad that actually cares, because this brainworm have gotten me and there is no saving me from them.
#ffxiv#sketch#zenos yae galvus#adventurer zenos#durante#zero#local man learns how to feel again... and is regretting it immensely-#as his old habits of “ignore” or “shut down” dont work that well anymore#because#at least from what I've personally looked into#unironically zenos' method of reaper contract was the smartest way to go about- he wouldnt have had the context that they used to be people#but I also write Zenos with the thought that he would abhor becoming anything like Varis-#and I dont think he'd like being directly responsible for turning another person into a weapon or a tool like how he was- intentional or no#and I think its just a neat point of tension between adventurer zenos and zero#and it just ends feeding into what I write one of his main hurdles being#his resignation that he may never change- or that he isnt worth compassion because of the circumstances he grew up in#and him being so ready to take blame and resign the possibility of apologizing because (given context) i dont doubt#that Varis had constantly blamed him for Carosa's death#and it also just gives me a bit of reasoning why him being called a monster (specifically thinking of the scene with Krile) sets him off#I also just like the idea of Durante taking him in as a hesitant mentor and accidently bonding with him- even beyond the theories I have#(and this is totally me being biased because I ADORE durante as a character)#but I think helping Zenos and the way Zenos and Wol would later interact with each other would give him a measure of peace#of being able to guide someone and be there for someone like it seemed golbez was for him#I also think zenos deserves at least one warm fatherly hug#and who better than the strange old ass voidsent who could honestly probably rotate him any moment his guard is down
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you know, a plothole (kinda, its one to me) i havent even talked about before is .. how is there basically no sonau tech in the past, or isnt shown nor used; the only thing i remember is that weird half assed way to try and make us care about the apparent time zelda had spent there and tell us in a tiny text you have to find scattered above the sky that she "tamed a construct beast" which .... could be anything bc its so vague and non-interesting and .. maybe one or two non-combat constructs in the background in a few of the cutscenes
but given how many constructs there are alive in totks present, and more are broken down that were probably working back in the past, did they even use anything of it against ganondorf? like, i know its called a war but we only see ganondorf charging on that badass horse we never see again and that bit lasts like .. 5 seconds? and he just ... somehow ends up in that cave so far below the earth with the other sages? HOW did he even get there
the constructs you find in the game can be pretty tanky and packing quite a punch, theres auto-targeting mini tanks, lasers and fire/electric/ice throwers, bombs and otherwise explosives, couldnt they have easily fought against some bokblins even if they were miasmafied
or am i supposed to believe ganondorf became THAT strong just through that little magic pebble (isnt that a little insulting too?), while all the other stone having people are so much more inferior AND have gans bossfight not be that hard is kinda ... weird? i know link is special an all, but he doesnt have a stone and the sages dont really add to his powerlevel, the msot they do is distract gans little clones for a bit
doesnt that, and how irrelevant the whole sonau tech actually is to the plot, feel even more like its a thing put in there just to showcase that they could do it (like ... a tech demo) and like its an unfitting sandbox element just for some very dedicated players to build entire war maschines for viral videos out of but the vast majority will not have that kind of patience nor fun with that (i for one do not care to laser explode or otherwise terrorize little enemy camps with otherwise overly ridiculous weapons bc its not fun and really not worth the effort to me)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk#ganondoodles rants#mini rant#but#i just realized there isnt anything shown of any combat construct fighting#but i dont think people were able to build this stuff after both rauru and mineru died#in fact we see no one fight in that war#besides gan charging on cool horse we never see again for a few seconds#and the stone guys standing around gan with some mud on their faces now suddendly faaaaaaar underground and also at the end of the fight#somehow#do you even need ANY of your abilities to get to gan?#also to be clear#i do not hate people who build godzilla in totk#but i do feel like enabling that was one of the main reasons why nintendo decided to make that the focus#since those videos are what goes viral#rather than say#very good researched theories about lore or something#totk should have been a spin off to focus fully on building and nothing else
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There is gonna be more than that coming from the poll, but whatever it is vote Kacchan/Deku for best hero. Idc who wins i just need them to be together again
if they just announced it today without saying anything before, I would probably immediately do it.
Right now im just bitter because of the hype -I thought it would at least slightly relate to the actual story (adaptations of other stories, extra content for the volume which once again may I remind everyone is extremely short, almost half what a manga volume usually looks which is a huge problem).
This disappointed me extremely, as its not even related to any content from the manga beyond the characters it uses. I get that many ppl will work on this, and that artist will get excited over being able to get the spotlight, some will be able to ask specific questions, and a character will get a statue and a movie.
Still extremely disappointed because of the "special project will be announced on the 5th *wink wink*".
I can't feel excitement over it as, in my mind, I lost something that felt better -more content related to the story. So at best this would be "oh cool I can try it", a feeling pretty similar to the other announcements -not my favorite thing in the world, but I wont reject it and try to see what comes out of it.
This isnt at best to me right now
#grrr talking#grrr being a hater#literally one of the special things was already announced -the fan book#bc im feeling negative I will say negative stuff here so beware#as far as I saw the fan book is a way of getting another product without paying artists#and days before we already knew it would happen#the statue thing feels like the art exhibition like okay thats cool still doesnt compare to more stories like at all#and I will never see any of that in person ever so why would I get extra happy about that?#I know this is an homage so we can feel like we are closer to their world and all but the statues have a bad connotation there#vote so we can see the protagonist and the deuteragonist in a movie#im sorry why do we need to massively vote so they get content? they are literally the most important characters#and what would even be the movie about? For all I know they could do whatever they wanted with the characters#a movie based on who the most popular character is... great. unless passionate ppl are involved in the project it doesnt sound like a good#a good story could come out of it#as its based on who is most popular among voters not an actual story the characters need#so unless 278 characters already have backstories and stuff planned that would get explored in a movie#i dont trust what they could do with this#and I dont want to give them my hope. They didnt need to make an announcement for the announcement#that only has made me feel super bitter#will I get over it later in the day? probably#I still want to express myself#the only thing in my mind about using this opportunity is still bitter lmao#just asking why didnt you make them hold hands#because I can try to justify it with my own theories#but that doesnt mean anything now does it
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not a comment on a r/fatuiHQ meme of all things making me finally notice that childe activating FL all the way back in the golden house cutscene actually summons those black hole/collapsing star imagery things (looking Exactly like the narwhal boss drop at a specific frame too) behind him if u look at it closely at the right frame😭😭😭
(peak subreddit btw.)
i mean its not Completely new for a motif his teleporting in the 4.2 opera cutscene is a much more clear example of the same exact visual effect but. Dang i never slowed the 1.1 cutscene down enough to see it for myself there before
what a cool detail and reccurring motif there! now let me lose my mind and credibility for a bit Thanks
(actual nonsense warning lmao its just cool black hole sfx but gone downhill)
(a Completely unrelated compilation here Surely. yes the narwhals spout attack thingy is less Obviously the same visual but its a pretty picture of my beloved. sue me. also its close enough 2 me)
anyway isnt it Curious how all these effects are ummmm black holes. like there are stars visibly collapsing here uwu. and black holes are. Collapsed dead stars. wouldnt it be funny if the narwhal boss drop archive entry somehow directly implies that the eye of maelstrom (a black hole) could simply be the echo of its prey. Which are. Yaknow. sometimes stars. for a cosmic whale. so an echo of its prey is an echo of a dead star. crazy ik. if anything like that existed i mean
oh JEEPERS. next thing youll tell me stars are archons forbid often used as a sort of allegory and very prevalent reference to some sort of an important category of people. like a descender or something. crazy ik (2: Electric boogaloo)
WHAT!!!! (and like 4 billion other examples i couldnt bother to gather and sc sorry)
and like. sure sure lets not get too crazy we need to remember skirks usage of this same power as well thats a good point. i should remain skeptical of my own insanity thats very true. we all get a sticker for responsible behavior UwU
so she indeed turned the narwhal into a black hole there yes. She Did That. so maybe its just the power from beyond thing. its void power its quantum but genshin. the black hole/collapsing star stuff is all surtalogis power okay lets consider that for arguments sake. well i guess that means its just surtalogis brand of transcendent abyss power and not about black holes slash dead stars that may or may not be dead descenders. thats fine
Whew i guess thats it then we solved it guys. okay i can accept that. its abyss power because surtalogi things and childe and the narwhal displaying it is all because of surtalogis plots and teachings and powers. something like that
and even if that may be a bit anticlimactic of a conclusion for a narwhalpilled truther like myself (with a penchant towards Theres Some Descender Shit Going On With Ajax antics as well) at the very least its good that there isnt any datamined book series in which some particularly pygmy-esque individuals Strangely fitting of our current descriptions and knowledge of of dain + the sinners band together to merk some guy from beyond teyvat with special powers that may or may not be the irminsul-proofed historical account of a particular descenders death so nothing like THAT can throw a wrench into our very confirmed conclusion of surtalogis power and by extension childe and maybe even the narwhals black hole motifs just being basic abyss element power that has absolutely Nothing to do with any descenders or... dead stars? yeah its a good thing nothing like that exists .
OH SH----
#NO I CANT MAKE IT MAKE SENSE IT JUST DRIVES ME INSANE. THESE THOUGHTS. I DONT HAVE A GOOD POINT OR ANYTHING IM JUST#DYING OVER THERE THANKS. HOLDS HEAD IN HANDS#BLACK HOLES.... WHY IS IT BLACK HOLES... COLLAPSING DEAD STARS..............................#(also as u might notice. thanks 2 catwithbluehat for yt genshin cutscene compilation for da screenshots o7)#anyway#even if i dont actually happen to have any particular point or theory to offer here. i just find it inch resting how this motif repeats .#strange. odd even. certainly scrumptious#like . Curious. whatever may they be implying. and like ultimately i just think its soooo funny#whyever would a Particular 14 yo awaken a whale that Happens to be drawn to eating Stars Specifically. like what is it abt Him there huh.#hey wouldnt it be EVEN funnier if that purple guy inside the narwhal. with a LITERAL black hole in his chest. that also transforms into.#that eye of the maelstorm there . during the battle. and protects the core of the narwhal in its stomach#was ever called like. idk an ancient nemesis or maybe just a shadow of such nemesis too. in an early beta or sth. for a TCG summon mby#like even more strongly suggesting the dark shadow = narwhals prey = a dead star = a....dead descender even??? jkjk for last part. (unless)#but the first 3... like if it ate its nemesis and the nemesis is thusly that echoed shadow of a prey..... hmmm how Curious#why would a whale that chases stars ... chase that guy too enough to eat him ............#(this is a jkjk unless way of being like. what if the dudes ajax but a past incarnation hehe. what if theyre soulmates like that. tee hee.)#(what if a dead descender has been reincarnating all this time like that . wouldnt that be quirky . also they should kiss)#(ignore me im dying inside.)#anyway . for real tho . idk what the fuck any of this Actually means it just lives rent free.#like idek what im trying to say with any of this shit qskjwajkwdjJKWJKWDJKWDJKD#also the photo quality w the yt scs is kinda ass but thats on me lmao.#rambles#genshin#childeposting#narwhalposting
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netflix one piece live action feels a little like fanfic in that it makes sure it hits all the important notes but doesnt do all the work to make them hit which works in fic where the reader is supposed to bring all the emotional story investment from the original but doesnt work in a multi million adaptation that is supposed to be able to stand on its own or even serve as an intro to the series. it even does this in service to have more koby and helmeppo gay moments in this essay i w
#one piece#opla#the fleshing out of koby and helmeppo is like honestly good its a beacon of light its truly really fun#and all the actors are great it is just what they are given .#they didnt let nami do any real betraying. they didnt even have her steal the merry!! she just stole the map that they added in!!!!#ddont get me started on the gutting of sanjis intro. i dont give a shit about if don krieg appears or not i need to see this guy fuckin#feed the hand thats about to kill him im going to start shaking like a dog.#im almost madder krieg appeared for just a little id rather have that time be used for. anything else really.#like have one of arlongs guys starved half to death when they get to arlong park!or idk anything! no gin appears look its gin! you know him#sanji doesnt even get to beat the shit out of a shitty guest. like i guess he does a little but it feels so blink and you miss it#+the first like two eps were good!! buggys great hes scary and weird and fun. i dont mind that he sticks around longer in theory#but the way he is comedic relief instead of basically every character having funny bits is like. ahghhhgggg. its a symptom of this really#mean and edgy feeling the whole thing has. like the removal of people missing usopps pirate calling :( and how cocoyashi didnt know#nami was working to help them. like p. please. can we have caring and bonds in this world?? trust and love???#anyway. sorry for having expectations of a netflix show im so close to putting this into a more proper form rather than tags. just to get i#all out of my system cause fuck man.#anyway solid 7/10 not as bad as it couldve been
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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honestly y'all need to grow the fuck up and read theory
#its so frustrating talking to 'communists' and who havent even read the manifesto#like y'all are out here spouting vibes based quarter-truths because y'all dont even want to seek out theory#y'all don't want anything to change y'all just like thinking you're right for the sake of being right#'oh i cant read books i can only do audiobooks' congrats theres almost always a youtube video of someone reading the exact book you need#people have poured countless hours into making theory accessible in just about any format y'all just have to actually seek it out#it isnt going to just appear on your fucking lap y'all
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sometimes homestuck theory posts are like "the blood aspect is intrinsically linked to having red blood and the rage aspect purple! theres somethng fishy about dammek and xefros" like along the lines of fully forgetting we have 1 and a half examples for every troll blood color
#this is mostly about limebloods sorry the limeblood info we know is so vague and not anything at all#if marvus is a lime ill bite my dick off but i dont even think hes gonna be relevant anymore#and i dont think he was so. um. lime coded that you can say it as a true fact#we have more limes than i can imagine but theyre karkat (mutant) kankri (that and barely a character) that one fantroll (has about 4 lines)#fiamet (we dont know her at all) and not callie. bc shes not a troll#on that note i will never ever get behind the idea that limebloods can even be associated with white hair#'well she knew about limebloods' youre one step away from saying all violets have a violet streak but cronus and credea dyed theirs#and it had nothing to do with eridan being a 13 year old having fun#even if callies oc doesnt have dyed hair or whatever that STILLL doesnt make it exclusive to limes!!!!!!!!!!!#weve seen 0 other trolls with white hair. we cant draw ANY conclusions from one troll i just think. thats silly!!#especially when there are 4 real living trolls who dont show any signs of sharing that trait#god. i hate that#sorry have fun. limeblood theories tend to be so bad they really piss me off#but i mean its not real. whatever#simons spouting
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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.
#i was thinking abt it earlier#but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why#actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me#earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject#too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i#was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often#especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d#everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just#cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even#consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural#but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other#peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something#something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they#move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less#sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can#always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response#and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone#it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything#not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i#feel like im not actually being heard or listened to#and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore#god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it#for everyone else all the time#is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say#this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice#god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover#and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel#like they actually like me
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sigh
#also this is why these are the times that get me thinking about getting tested for autism again#because i seemingly cannot deal with any new social sitchies#because even thought technically i know that the museum trip itself would probably be chill the stuff surrounding it makes me ill#cause its over two days in a different city which in theory is fine but looking for a place to stay and having to like organize food#and getting there in the first place. and id still have to do a presentation for it#and some other stuff i procrastinated over this term so i could then write the paper and finish the module but i kind of already fucked it#by not attending another seminar id need to finish the module. because i forgot about it until later in the semester and then id have had to#email people and i couldnt? do it? apparently.#and then i get fixated on stupid shit for days on end and cant make myself think about anything else instead of doing uni work#but to circle back in my heart i actually know im not autistic. its perhaps something else or im just organically overwhelmed by being alive#and like i am really embarrassed by considering an autism assessment. online brained and not proud of it lmao#im sure theres typos in this please ignore. also if my sentences dont make sense im only half awake#pax posts
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aaaaahhg
#blog archival#god does anyone even know this exists? never actually posted anything#i mean by now with f*r y*u p*ge probably but like. yanno.#s pretty wild#i am. currently unsure what im gonna do with this story?#i dont tend to step away from stories forever but i dont have many ideas for this one#ah its been so long... maybe one day again spec theory#love you! great worldbuilding thing#reminds me i wanna draw felidcat again at some point#changed sonas from her twice now.. i should draw her and the short king (chondrodite)#stupid ahh goofy ahh egg felid cat. you are NOT a girl lmao#ahem. anyway#what were my tags here anyway#...didnt have any!#ALSO THIS SICK MOTHERFUCKER STILL HAS WIP IN ITS DESCRIPTION#stars.. thats a whole poem just by itself#a work forever in progress... love you a-itm
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welp, at this point if anyone in the crowd of Bad Faith People Who Stalk Me And Hate Me Bc Of Someone Else's Compulsive Lying tries to accuse me of antisemitism bc i have a vampire whos a villain in my comic, i'm gonna ask them what their take was on allll of this going on. if its anything like "israelis and/or zionists are all evil people" then ik i never have to take their opinion seriously bc they dont even know what antisemitism means.
#i will listen to jewish ppl if they have any critiques or concerns about him in my comic but the rest a yall. lol. lmao.#if you are right now perpetuating antisemitic conspiracy theories about how jewish ppl are in control of all the money n shit#how can you claim you are less antisemitic than me?#its honestly freeing to realize a lot of internet leftists dont know wtf they're talking about ever.#so now i dont gotta over think if i Am being antisemitic bc yall dont even know wtf it looks like!#i was always so worried about this possibly happening but yknow what ive realized through all of this-#a lot of yall dont know wtf you're talking about at all ever. i was worried about being dog piled but like. why should i be now#you want a reason to hate me regardless. you're gonna be bad faith and assume the most uncharitable thing regardless. why#should i care and try to cater to YOUR- a non jewish leftist's- sensibilities?#just say you hate what i make and move tf on.#stop pretending you have a moral reason. also maybe stop pretending you know whats going to happen esp if my abuser on here#gave you their rundown and understanding of my comic bc i kept so much shit a secret from them to begin with.#why tf would i share all of my comic to them. so they can steal my ideas and/or share it to everyone? yeah i already knew ahead of time#that could be something they do. and i know to never reveal anything that spoils the plot anyways.#even if they're right about the tiny amount of stuff i showed them assume they're still wrong bc they just LOVE mixing truth with lies.#its like. their favorite thing to do.#but yeah yknow if any jewish ppl have any concerns ill listen. everyone else can go fuck themselves though.#dont come up in here acting like you know what antisemitism is lmao.#honestly i should've only considered jewish ppls opinions on this to begin with. but yall really gaslit me into thinking you knew just as#much as they do about antisemitism. and now look where we are. you've revealed you dont know shit and i dont need to take you seriously.#while you spent all this time laid back thinking you Know Better bc you call yourself progressive and think thats all the work you need#to do- i was ACTUALLY learning about antisemitism and conspiracy theories so i ACTUALLY know wtf to avoid in my art#and yall are gonna really try and be bold enough to assume you know what it looks like. you havent done shit. you havent reflected on shit#you think you're already above it all when really you're only a couple steps away from regressing into a conservative.
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Okay sorry I thought my heart fucking exploded this morning and I literally felt it was swish around and shit oh yeah did I forget to mention I haven't slept in 2 full days and eaten in 24 (this has since been fixed)
#so i went to urgent care with these symptoms ive never felt before in my life#shit that is beyond my anxiety i know my anxiety and it literally happened after i started taking my increased dose of medication#doctor tells me the medication change is a coincidence. its my anxiety and i need to take a walk!#i dont think! i have had a breakdown so serious in awhile and honwstly it was so scary that i kinda forget it all already#i just kept crying and laughing like oh this is.how im gonna get treated for the rest of my life arent i#its my anxiety. its my depression#ill come in with a genuine fucking problem one day and get it blowed off and die#fuck!#i have to wonder what they thought when i left i was acting like a fuckin looney and like my nanas taking me past the nurses desks#and tbeyre staring at me with their thousand beady eyes and im trying to stifle cryong and leaughter#like wow.#i wouldve believe stress increase more than its just my FICKINN anxiety#i brpyght in a list of 24 symptoms i wrote down and theyre just all from anxiety#ueah like my fucking. EYES DILATING TO THE SIZES OF SAUCERS. anxiety. are. you. kidding me#you know maybe it was my anxiety but holy fuck ur just glnna stand there over me and be like take a walk kid ^_^ jt'll stop your#panic attack? i guess thats what i had. idk. i didnt even get any sort of theory on it was#she was gonna do an ekg but i refused even after her insisting because i judt wanted to escape so bad#she just kinda fuckin double tripled whammer there!#1. blames all of my problems on anxiety#with no other way it could be anything else [fancier way of saying youre making it all up#2. she goes on about how i need to find the right batch of meds. lady ive been doing that for 6 years now.#im doing spravato which is a fucling last ditch antidepressant becaise ive tried everything else#but these people who just dont get it like to make it seem i havent even made an effort#ive used dozens of meds#dozens. it terrifies me. what the fuck am i injecting into my body#anyways i lost my train of my tnought yag#back to regular schwdulaedd queue posting (idk whem ill start making new ones we will see)
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feverish ramble about tiktok and social media politics, probably not super well phrased so dont be too nitpicky about shit i said, but ive been meaning to put this into words for a while
i do think its kind of interesting (read: concerning) how tiktok is like the one social media site where everyone all across the political spectrum is so quick to somehow blame the company for opinions people have on the app, like there is massive groups of people having weird fringe shit opinions on tumblr and there is never really any calls to shut tumblr down over it. and even with youtube there is this certain nuance where people blame youtube for how it recommends right wing content so readily, but do not equate that with youtube being in on some sinister US government conspiracy or whatever, but when tiktoks (fairly neutral and overall not much more sinister*) recommendation system pushes fringe content to people (who usually interacted with similar content before) it immediately becomes a whole conspiracy theory about how china is trying to do x or y and how they are definitely doing this on purpose. rather than it being the same bad recommender as youtube which pushes divisive content as it creates engagement. like to be clear this isn't a defense of content any recommendation systems push, and they definitely need to be made more robust to prevent artificial polarization, but when it comes to actual suppression of content all social media sites do that sometimes (it's not like the US government never requests and does shit like that either lol, like try posting a link to ddosecrets.com on twitter, good luck) and im just tired of seeing misinformed blatantly sinophobic takes about tiktok from all across the political spectrum, like no forcing tiktok to be an american company instead wont change shit, if they do censor it would then just be at the whims of the US which is what they really want. * basically it comes down to the shorter form content making it way easier to forget about anything that shows up on your feed that you arent actually interested in as you just swipe it away, studies have shown no significant difference in youtube and tiktok recommenders
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it's so hard to have fun hobbies when 87.36% of your energy is used up by work
#i'm so excited about my wip in theory#and i KNOW that i'll have fun working on them and that i'll be so happy and proud once theyre done#but like. i'm tiiiiiireddddddd#i feel like i barely have any free time in my scheule and any free time i do have i dont want to do anything in#like. pysically and emotionally i'm so fucking tired i just want to scream at everything to just stop#like. i've been staying late at work just about every day for the past two weeks because they keep fucking up the schedule#and they havent been fixing it so i've basically been volunteering to stay late to help out my coworkers#but today i was like. no. its not worth it theyll still be able to manage without me#EXCEPT THAT THE FUCKING GUY WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE OVER FOR ME SO I COULD LEAVE CAME IN AN HOUR AND A HALF LATE#AND IM STILL HERE BECAUSE THERES LITERALLY NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE TO FILL THE NECESSARY POSITIONS FOR THE NEXT HOUR#i am seething im so fuckin pissed#and like. i dont think he's even noticed that i was supposed to have gone home over an hour ago. like he hasnt said a word about it#like he didnt ask me to stay late idk if he just assumed i would or if hes just that bad at paying attention to the schedule but im so mad#i feel so taken advantage of its not even funny#life tag
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Yandere Batfam x reader who cant feel pain
HEhehehe i just remembered a disease and I just had to write about a reader with it x yandere batfam.
Have you guys heard of CIPA? Its "Congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis" which is basically a genetic condition when a patient cant feel pain to any noxious stimulus and can also not sweat, and yall are probably like "but SNoWWW, that doesnt like a diSEase. More like a superpower!!!" um no. You need to be able to feel pain or else you wont know what part of your body has been injured and get help before its too late. You could have thumbtack plunged in your foot and u wouldnt know unless it got infected and u probably saw ur foot changing color.
And now yall are like "but SNoWw, the anhidrosis part, where u cant sweat, sounds nice! who would to look like a sweaty pig in this age????" NO! Sweating is a necessary physiologic phenomenon because it lets your body cool down as it releases heat. If you dont sweat, you'd overheat and DIE!
Okay now that we've covered the basic info, lets get into it:
So, Batfam finds out about reader when she's just running into danger with little to no care for self preservation, and they dismiss it as you being just another dumb teen wanting to be hero and "change the world". Time passes by and Bruce is impressed by your passion and decides to take you under his wing.
It isnt until months later that Bruce discovers something odd about your behaviour. You were standing in the kitchen with the rest of the batkids, laughing and having a good time when he saw Dick had pulled out a hot pan of cookies from the oven and placed it on the aisle. The pan slipped, and without thinking, you had grabbed the hot pan with your bare hands very calmly and placed it back on the aisle, without so much as a hiss of pain or even a sweat.
And now that he thinks about it, Bruce has never seen you sweat. Not during training, not during summer, not even when after you ran laps around the mansion.
With a quick search on the Internet, he finds out about the disease and of course its Dick who he confides in first about his suspicions. Soon, the rest of the batfam has heard the rumours and now they're all watching you keenly to see if its true.
But Jason is the one who tests out the theory quickly by spilling some hot tea on your hand when you were busy talking to Tim about the importance of sleep. The room goes dead silent as they watch your hand turn red, yet you fail to react. It took you a few seconds to realise that they're all looking at you, and when you follow their gaze, it takes you a few seconds to react.
Or fake a reaction.
You shriek, pulling your reddening hand as you run to the sink and run it under cold water, your mind trying to come up with an excuse. But you know its too late when Bruce's hand comes to clasp your shoulder, pulling you away from the sink as his eyes examine your injured hand and... you.
"Bruce I-"
"I know, Y/n." He gives you assuring nod, carefully bandaging your hand as you sat in his office. "You have CIPA, hm?"
You looked down. Why bother lying? He's Batman, he'll find out anyways.
Bruce lifted your head and smiled gently at you. "Its okay. I'm not disappointed in you. I just... you could've told me." You shook your head. "If I did, you would've treated me differently... like a freak."
He sighed. "You are different, but I would've never treated you like a freak. You're not a freak. If anything, between us, I'm more of a freak than you." He was talking about being a hero, but you giggled at the thought of him referring to being a rich dude who cosplays in spandex.
Bruce cupped your cheek and smiled. "I promise, no one will treat you like a freak. But we will have to take some precautions for your safety."
-
He lied. You've never felt more like a freak than you do now.
Every single day would start off with Dick waking you up and sticking a thermometer in your mouth because he needs to make sure that you're not overheating, even though Bruce has set a thermostat in your room that he controls and he's programmed it to turn your room temperature change by the hour.
Then Dick would start checking you all over for any bruises or injuries, even a scratch, that you may have caused yourself in your sleep. Originally, Damian was the one who had a whole checklist as he examined your body, but that all ended the moment you smacked him when he asked you to lift your shirt. Dick would just have you go and check yourself in the bathroom and trust you when you said you're all good. Also, you're much nicer to Dick than you are to the rest of the brothers (its his puppy dog eyes and that sweet voice that compels you to do as he asks. He's just too nice.)
Dick would then lead you to down for breakfast with the family, where Alfred already has your glucometer out because of course, they must check your blood sugar level every day, lest they find out you're diabetic or something. Only then would you be served your meal, which is a highly nutritous, perfeclty seasoned, balanced dish because they want to make sure you dont have any vitamin deficiencies (because how would they know???? you dont feel pain). But you cant eat just yet. No no, whichever brother is closer, most often Jason, will first taste your food to make sure its not too hot to consume (because you dont realise you've burned the roof of your mouth that one time when Tim ate a slice of pizza that was fresh out of the oven and huppahhuffpuhh the morsel out). Jason would then give you the go to eat and you finally do. You make sure to finish the whole plate (because otherwise Bruce will make note of it and then interrogate you "medically" why you didnt feel like eating all of it?)
After breakfast, while the rest of the batkids get to go to school and work, you dont (because Bruce thinks that your immune system could be weak and he cant risk you catching any diseases from the outside.) No, you get a special trip to the infirmary where Bruce and Alfred do a more thorough medical check up, taking your vitals, JOTTING IT DOWN, while Alfred hooks you up to an IV drip of vitamins. And even though they go to such extents to ensure that you're healthy, they still take you to a skilled doctor once a week for regular check ups. Bruce wanted to keep the doctor in the house to do daily check ups, but you talked him out of it that you dont want to feel like a lab rat who has her blood taken every day. Once a week is fine, Bruce.
Once the medical check up is done, Bruce would then take you with him, either to Wayne enterprises where you sit in his office as he imparts you "business education that no school can teach you." which you believe because... well he has managed to triple the Wayne wealth even after his parents death. If he's working from home, then he'll let you accompany him in his home office where you can either read a book he chose for you (because Bruce prefers to homseschool you himself) or do a puzzle/case he created specifically for you. If he's working in the batcave, then he'll let you tag along but you can only work here by brainstorming or doing some computer research, but in no way are you allowed to ever go on field and fight. No, not since your last incident.
Just 2 months ago, you were patrolling with Jason (because Bruce refused to let you go alone now. He just wont risk it) and you encountered some bad guys who were a little more well equipped than you two had expected. A fight broke out, and in the process you got hurt badly. Of course, you didnt realise it because you didnt feel any of the punches or the bone fracturing. Jason could only look at you in dread as you smashed your head against the villain's head until the guy passed out, all while your nose bled, you were covered in bruises from top to bottom, AND you had a bone sticking out of your arm.
"Jay? I think I'm hurt?" You asked as blood coated your teeth.
After that, Bruce forbid you from going out on the field altogether because you just dont know when to stop. If it werent for bones sticking out or blood dripping down your face, you wouldnt know that you've been injured.
Anyways, at lunch, almost everyone has returned from work/school and you get yet another balanced meal (temperature tested by another brother). You're now scheduled for some exercises, usually conducted by Damian (under Dick's supervision because otherwise, you'd just be smacking that devil's spawn.) You guys use the gym in the basement, where Damian makes you run on the treadmill for some time, during which he does not take his eyes off you once because he needs to know when he should stop you, especially since you dont sweat or are even huff. If he didnt keep time, you could probably run for a long time and not realise that your legs or lungs are begging you to stop and take a break. As you hop off the machine, he's immediately taking your temperature. He does it after every exercise he makes you do.
After that is done, you spend time with Tim who likes to have you try on little gadgets that should "help you feel pain", but so far, he hasnt had any luck (but he doesn seem to be doing good in disguising trackers in your daily wear things). Oh and Damian loves to join in because he gets to sneak up on you and prick you with needles to help Tim see if your sensory pathways work. They dont, but you dont need your pain receptors to detect Damian coming up behind you as you smack him when he tries to prick you.
Then dinner is served, and then you're ushered straight to bed where Dick, or more often- Bruce has you do a self check like the one Dick does in the morning, but Bruce also makes sure to check your eyes to see if you "accidentally scratched your cornea" or whatever, tucks you in, tells you that he's so proud of you for how youre handling this and that you can come to him anytime, for anything. He kisses your forehead, wishes you goodnight, and leaves.
Half an hour later, Jason sneaks into your room with the goodies- junk food and video games. You two have the strongest bond because Jason is the one who treats you the most normal, and Jason does it partly to piss off Bruce but partly because he cares about your mental health. He knows it cant be good for you to be cooped up in the mansion under supervision like a bird in a gilded cage.
So sometimes, he sneaks you out of the mansion and takes you out on late night rides on his bike. You can even watch him fight villains, but you're sat far away and can never interferre.
Unfortunately for you two, this sneaking out will have to end because Bruce had recently decided to set up some cameras in your room because he wanted to make sure you slept well without any abnormal breathing patterns. Bruce hopes he doesnt have to use restraints on you, because he's not blind. He knows you're uncomfortable with this intricate routine and knowing your impulsive self, you'd probably break your own bones to get out of these restraints. And then he'll be forced to use sedatives and he really doesnt wanna rely on drugs... he likes your company when you're not droopy.
And as Bruce had anticipated, you broke down. You finally tried to leave, and he could see the color draining your face as you realised that there is no leaving.
"Why isnt the door opening?" You asked Bruce, as his four sons slowly surrounded you.
"You dont have to run away, Y/n-" He tried to calm you down but you flinched away, eyes wide as you looked at him like he was going to harm you.
"Bruce, why isnt the fucking door opening?" Your voice trembled, shooting him teary glare before focusing your eyes back on the boys who were closing in on you.
"You're meant to stay here, inside, where its safe." He answered, heart aching at the alarmed stance you took, your fight-or-flight was going to kick in. He took another step towards you, hands raised in surrender. "We can keep you safe-" thats all it took for you to bolt as the boys began chasing you. Realistically, you knew you couldnt escape them but something about their intensely concerned calls for your name had you jumping out of the window.
Glass shattered and sharp shards embedded themselves in your skin and feet, but you didnt react to them. No, your brain wasnt screaming in pain, it was screaming for you to get out!
Adrenaline pumped you to run into the dark woods surrounding the mansion, but you were soon knocked to the ground by Dick, who cushioned your fall by placing you on top of him as his hands wrapped around your form like a cage. "Y/n, calm down and listen-"
You began thrashing in his arms, screaming in agony. "Let ME GO! YOU'RE HURTING ME-!" Dick's arms loosened instinctively and you took that as a chance to elbow him in the throat and run, thanking some deity for letting Dick forget that you cant feel pain.
But your relief is short lived as Damian catches you and pushes you to the ground harshly. "Damian! Be careful! She could break a bone-"
"Bones can heal, Drake." Damian barked back, pulling you up before he pushed you against tree. "Let me go, you maniac-" Damian's hand clamped around your throat, making you shut up. "You're the one who's a maniac. Look at you! You've fucking hurt yourself because if your astounding stupidity!"
You whimpered, clawing at his hand wrapped around your throat. "Dami- p-please let go- you're hurting me!" You cried out, but your eyes went wide as he squeezed your throat and bared his teeth at you. "Not falling for it, dumbass." So... fooling Damian wasnt as easy a feat as it was fooling Dick.
You stopped the act and looked at him dead serious. "Let me go, Damian, or-"
"Or what?"
Or what? Or what? Did he think you were out of options? Out of escape plans?
You dont know why, but that triggered something inside you.
Damian and Tim could only watch as you suddenly slammed the back of your head against the tree. "Y/n-" He gasped in horror as you leaned your head forward before slamming it back against the hard rough surface. This time, Damian's hand that was wrapped around your neck felt your blood around his fingers.
"Its my life and I get to decide how I should live it." You sneered before raising your head again to bash it, but Damian's hand quickly slipped from your neck to the back of your head, cushioning it when you smacked it back, the skin on the back of his hand breaking as it made contact with the bark.
You pushed him away and tried to make a run for it, but Tim grabbed your wrist. You tried to pull away, but he had a death grip on it. "Y/n, stop! You need to listen-"
"Oh is that so? I think I need this." You used your other hand to punch yourself in the face (because Tim would've dodged it if you punched him), making your nose bleed. But you didnt feel any pain, and now you were acting like a super soldier zombie that has no concept of self preservation who is going through fucked up lengths to prove her point.
Your eyes caught the sight of a glass shard poking out of your thigh. "Wanna see something cool?" You pulled out the shard, not paying mind to the blood oozing out. "Y/n, stop-" Tim begged, and you saw Damian froze in the back as you raised the shard.
They didnt know what your next target was- slashing your wrists, slitting your throat, or stabbing your stomach, but fortunately, they didnt have to find out as Jason came up behind you and injected you with a tranquilliser.
Sadly, you never felt the prick or sensed the hero sneaking up behind you.
thoughts? also, what other diseases would u guys like me to write for. i just adore these cool medical abnormalities lol
#yandere batfam#yandere batman#yandere batboys#yandere bruce wayne#yandere jason todd x reader#yandere jason todd#yandere dick grayson#yandere damian wayne#yandere damian x reader#yandere tim drake#yandere#yandere x darling#yandere x you#yandere x reader#yandere x y/n#yandere family
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